How Many...

How many Target employees does it take to find a lost child?

About nine.

Today, we got a call on our walkie talkies that there was a "code yellow," which in the red language means "There's a parent up here freaking out cuz they can't find their kid." It means everyone needs to stop what they're doing and fan out, looking for the child described-- in this case, a black-haired boy wearing an Incredibles shirt. But before the search really got going, Karen called over that she'd found him. Disappointed, we all went back to work, only to hear a few seconds later, "I can't catch him! He keeps zig-zagging through the store!" This went on for a few minutes, with Karen continuously on his tail, only to be duped as he turned a corner. Finally, I headed over to where she was-- stationary-- to see if I could cut him off. What I found was a little Mexican boy who had been corralled against the stationary wall by eight people in red and khaki, including an LOD and two ATL's (higher-ups). This kid was too cute. It was obvious he didn't speak English, because no matter what anybody said to him, he just looked up at them with this adorable smile. Mark, who was up at the checklanes with the mother, kept calling for someone to bring him over, only to be answered each time with, "He won't budge." Finally, Mark came over himself. All he had to say was, "C'mon, you're mother's up front," and kind of nod his head toward the checklanes, and the kid followed right along, leaving the nine of us just standing there looking at each other, wondering what the heck had just happened. Then, feeling like complete failures when it came to kids, we walked back to our areas and resumed work.

What we have learned from this:

1) It takes six Target employees, two ATLs, and two LOD's to reunite a lost kid with his mother.

2) Little Mexican children will just smile and nod at you no matter what you're saying.

Oh, Hercules

Let me just say, that the guy who plays Hercules at California Adventures is hot. And buff. Alicia and I decided this unanimously. Jesse and Justin decided he was too "fake" looking and opted for Cinderella... yeah, like she's not hiding under ten pounds of make-up.... Our guy just had a wig on.

Why Being an English Major was a Bad Idea...

1) Two words: English Literature

2) One word: Literature

3) Who the heck cares, and how is it relevant to life that Tennyson is buried in Westminster Abbey (although I must admit I will never forget that minor fact that took my last test score below an eighty.)

4) I hate you, Samuel Taylor Coleridge

5) Although I agree with expanding our minds in the field of critical thinking, can we please "critically think" about something other than literature from the eighties? Eighteen eighties that is....

6) Dr. Sarnowski-- I believe in some cases of literature (let's take The Bible for one), it is extremely important to figure out what the author means... it is not right to merely internally analyze works based on what we think the text is saying. The text isn't saying anything-- it's all the person writing it!

7) Also, Dr. Sarnowski-- we can't read your handwriting when you mark up our papers. I have not read one note you've made on my novel papers all semester. Please write more legibly.

8) I'm getting a 98% in my Nutrition class!!! And I can't stand Science classes!!! What does that say about my English classes?!?! Huh!!??

9) Through the millions of works we've read so far, we have learned that one must be accepting of new styles of writing as they come along, and that there is no wrong way to write. So how does it make sense that our papers are marked down if they don't conform specifically to what our professors want? We are not clones of each other!!!

10) When I write a famous novel someday, I will include this postscript:

Dear Professor using this book in your class:

When I wrote this book, its intended purpose was for enjoyment only, not
as a tool for inflicting pain on others.
Please do not subject your students to over-analyzation of this book.
Take it from me,the author, that the theme, thesis, etc. in
this book are clear enough for a second
grader to understand, but if you need further reassurance of,
"what this book means" please refer to the jacket cover.
Thank you.

The Twelve Steps of Intimacy: As told by Adelaide and Demonstrated by Jig

Before anybody gets worried here, let me say that Jig demonstrated on another AGO guy... which might actually be more disturbing if you don't see it every day at camp and therefore are not already desensitized to it. Anyway, we had a great argument at the AGO house the other night, as well as last night on the way home from Alicia's, about these steps and the rearranging of them. All the guys voted that hand-to-head should be before face-to-face, and most guys felt that hand-to-hand was more intimate than hand-to-shoulder, contrary to what Dr. James Dobson himself believes. Although, it is kind of cute that the guys think that hand holding is better than the whole hand-around-the-shoulder thing. For those of you who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, feel free to find Dobson's book "Life on the Edge", because I don't remember all of the steps, but those that I do can be found here:

1) Eye to body
2) Eye to eye
3) Voice to voice
4) Hand to hand
5) Hand to shoulder
6) Hand to waist
7) Face to face
8) Hand to head
9) - 12) Those of which we do not speak of

I guess I do have all of them. Actually, Justin #1 just dictated them all to me. ;) Justin's apparently been studying them. As I speak, the guy's are trying to look up the "unmentionables" in Dobson's book... dirty boys....

We all know those girls that I am talking about
Well, they are time bombs, and they are ticking...

And the only question's when... they'll blow up....

And it just figures that we'll never figure them out...




I can't even figure myself out most of the time... how in the world is a boy supposed to?

Yesterday I wore shorts. It was wonderful.

Rubbing elbows with the rich and famous...

My friend Justin (#1) met the President on Sunday... The President.... Of the United States of America. In fact, he sat right in front of him at church, shook hands with him during the "say hi to someone" thing that most churches do, and then went up for communion alongside him.

And I am so not lying.

Our friend is interning in D.C. right now and got his family and Justin's hook ups to go to church with the Bush family while the Aubreys and Deylings were visiting. And Mr. and Mrs. President just happened to sit right behind them.

Wow....

Of course, this means we'll never hear the end of it. Jesse already figures that any fights to be had here on after will end with a Justin saying, "Oh, yeah? Well I met the President!"